Halloween or Trick or Treat Deferred? How could they...Not?

My two cents- for what it is worth :
Lots of towns move trick or treat to a night that is better. They don't move Halloween.  Just trick or treat- a dangerous night.  I grew up all over and most of the places moved it if it was during the week-- they just did it earlier. 
Personally, we have celebrated many a holiday on a different day so our family could be together to do it- it is very common in the military to wait until even late January to do Christmas (I have heard of waiting as late as MAY) if that means your soldier will finally be home. For those families, it is about the time spent together rather than a day on a piece of paper.  The past 3 years we had to celebrate special days on a 'new' date.  It really is about our mindset- unless you are honestly (religiously)celebrating something that must be celebrated due to the moon cycle (Samhein, many Jewish holidays, Easter, etc.) 
I kept mine home- they are preteens and boys- well 2 of them- and I know how dumb boys can get w/o parents around (heck with them around too! lol) but they didn't want me around.  I am disappointed so many sound like they are not willing to work with a later date now- it was not changed for convenience, but for safety.  This is probably the last year my youngest two will dress up (they are 12 now) and if people don't working together to do another date later this week, my boys will be the ones to lose out because I made them respect the decision of our first responder teams.  Now I look like a loser mom for playing it safe and honoring the guidelines, but I won't apologize for respecting authority and I am only hoping and praying they can respect that.
Croton on Hudson NY (along with many other communities recovering from the October snowstorm) didn't do it to ruin fun and they didn't do it for convenience- as if they have NOTHING better to do than piss off the village parents and kids by rescheduling Trick or Treat.  Like I said, most of you will probably disagree, but I thought I would share a different side of the coin. 

25 things, for my friend Fran and becuase of her. (from Jan 26, 2009)

Edit

25 Things, for my friend Fran and because of her

by Julie Kelly on Monday, January 26, 2009 at 10:26am

1. If I could change one thing about my life, it would be to live as a missionary with basically nothing. Simple is good.

2. If I could take back one thing in my life it would be that I never sang to my Great Aunt as I sat beside here during her end stages of cancer. Like the little drummer boy who had no gift to bring, I wanted so badly to give the only gift I could give, a song. Yet I sat, mute and afraid. I did not open my heart in song for her until it was too late, at her graveside in the pouring, icy, October rain.

3. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters. Mike, age 40, Wayne, age 38, Rick age 33, Anne, age 33, Lisa, age 33, Rich, age 31, Irene, age 30, and Josh age 24. We are a mix of his, hers and ours. In one family I am the oldest child and in the other I am the middle. No wonder I am messed up!

4. I have moved 39 times in my 35 years of life. 'Nuf said.

5. When I turned 9 I refused to admit it. I declared that I could not turn another year older as I had not done anything with my life yet to change the world. I thought keeping my old age of 8 would give me more time to fix my horrendous mistake and a chance to do something to make the world a better place.

6. Most people say I am confidant, but I am scared stiff and unsure of myself 90% of the time.

7. If I could take any vacation right now I would take all my girlfriends to a lonely beach with a huge hacienda and tons of good fresh food and yummy wine. We would spend the week eating, talking and working on our skin cancer risk. No men allowed.

8. I am quite nervous about the idea of Lance retiring and us not being so involved in the Army anymore- it is all I know!

9. I don't have too many interesting things to share because you all know what there is to know already. I try to live transparently- that is why so many people don't know how to take me; they figure there is something else behind it all... but there isn't.

10. My best writing happens at night when I cannot sleep. I type in a stream of conscious style (thanks Pat Sperry!) until my brain is empty.

11. I have never taken any classes on how to use a computer but I think I am allowed to call myself a mini geek. (what do you say Jason?)

12. I first kissed a boy in 2nd grade... but I kissed my first boyfriend in 7th grade.. Shane Nesmith in Clarksville TN.

13. I learned the facts of life at age 9 from the book "Where did I come from?" (great book to teach kids this stuff!)

14. I fell in love with Lance at first sight but thought I would never have a shot with him- until I started dating Tony Campbell (Fulda) and told Lance after church one Sunday and the look on his face said it all. I have never broken up with someone so fast in my life! Sorry Tony buy true love was waiting!

15. I found out I would never grow any taller when I was 15 and skied over my thumb (yes I am talented like that- that will be number 16 here) and had to have an x-ray. I have pretty much worn high heels ever since... not wanting to admit I am short for life. (5'4")

16. I have skied over my thumb (youth group ski trip from Fulda to Zugspitz). It is hard to describe- if you realllllly need to know how I achieved it hit me up for a real message.

17. I used to have to wear glasses- but at 16 I got hit in the head with a locker and ended up in the hospital for a week with a concussion. I missed out on the volleyball season and I still have the card my whole Jr. class made me. I could not see any writing for around a month without vomiting and somewhere around 6 weeks it cleared and voila- I had better than 20/20! Now I wear reading glasses due to age.

18. I have had 6 operations in my life. All for different things. Let me tell you- having a varicose vein removed realllllllyyyyyy hurts. Do NOT go Black Friday shopping only a week afterward!

19. My favorite color used to be green growing up. Now I would have to say it is tangerine orange. I am not sure what that says about me.

20. When I need to reset mentally I picture myself standing on a hill, standing between fresh white sheets hung on a line, as they blow in the stiff breeze. The sky is sunny but I cannot see the sun- I am simply caressed by the white and sheets.

21. When I had my first surgery I remember thinking how nice the "nothingness" was. I heard a voice saying "Julie, breath or I will have to put your tube back in" several times- but I really didn't care. I did not "know" I had a loving husband, 60 day old twins and 2 other lovely children waiting for me to come back to them. That scared me stiff. To this day I am affected by it- grasping life for all it is worth.

22. I HATE painkillers. They don't get rid of the pain, they just make me not care- and I HATE not caring or losing control- I am a control freak!

23. My favorite book in the Bible is Ruth. The story of friendship, devotion, love and the power of chosen family is so inspiring to me.

24. I am named after my Great Aunt Julie whose real name was Violet Jewell Torricellas. She died when she was verrrrry young of a massive heart attack. She also had twin boys. I kind of freak out her living siblings every so often when they see me as an adult because I remind them of her very much.

25. I love to make tortillas and I hear that mine are pretty darned good. (especially my flour ones with oregano in them.)

question

  Originally posted and written 2-19-2009

I hear this friend,
her mom is dying.
Soon 

she will no longer

hold her mommy.

I watch the tv,
stories of 

reaching,
grasping,
desperation
and I think...
how horrible for them.

I know 

divorce and
death and
poverty
are all around, 

most times not so silent.

My husband
feeds a huddled vagabond
on his way to the train
from a warm office.

The world is starving
and in Haiti
the 

only

hope
is what is eternal
where hunger
is 

no

more.

I see this
I hear it
I wince and
hear the stories and
watch
the tears
in my dear friends eyes.

So what right do I have to feel sorrow for myself?

What right have I
to feel unaccomplished,
incomplete with
no end in sight?

What right have I to
shed a tear
over little time for "me"
in a selfish society?

In Rwanda
there is
no thought to "me"
instead,
will I
survive

HIV to
raise my child?

And I sit
in my
comfy bed
at my
shiny laptop
with tears
in my eyes
ache in my throat...

wondering....

who am I that
I am
so special
special enough
to be sad

that I am not 

what I dreamed.

it feels like the first time- all over again- starting a new degree

You would think that once you have been to a couple of colleges, they all would start to have a large degree of commonality.  Not so.  I am floundering around again to learn new terms for a new college and, in the mindset of BK, doing it "their way."

Let me back up a moment and clarify a few things.  I started college and still did not understand, at age 32, what the difference was between an associate and bachelor degree.  It was not until about 2 years ago, at age 36, that I understood the difference between a bachelor of arts or sciences.  I am still struggling to understand the whole graduate and undergraduate component.  So, being the first generation to successfully attend and complete college in my family, I am learning the hard way- through a lot of mistakes, failures, missed deadlines and even more questions that really make me feel uneducated.

Having a bachelor degree under my belt, I thought I would feel smarter.  But not really.  I feel more uneducated than ever before.  I believe someone once said they were once too dumb to know what they didn't know and the more they learned the more they knew what they didn't know.  That would be me now.

I am all set for my classes to begin at Luther Seminary in Minneapolis.  For those who didn't know yet, I am a Master of Divinity student (MDiv)in a fairly new distance learning(DL) program.  (that is a whole different post!).  I will be learning from home, via Internet, but also must spend a month each year (2 weeks every June and January) on campus doing intensives. I also have to volunteer here locally  and keep up with my cohort (that is my learning 'group') weekly.  It is a far more structured distance learning program than most colleges offer, especially at the graduate level, but I believe that is fully necessary given the degree.

Being the first ever MDiv, DL  student for the New York Metro Synod of the ELCA (a Lutheran denomination), I am a guinea pig in a fishbowl- that is, watched quite closely.

So I have observed a few things at this point.
1.  Every college forgets what it is like to be a brand new student with them and misses opportunities to make it a little less frustrating or fear inducing.
2.  Greek doesn't count for credit toward an MDiv degree but you have to take a bunch of it.
3.  Minneapolis is supposed to have amazing stuffed burgers and I am making the list of places to try now.
4.  There is an app for Greek flashcards!
5.  It doesn't feel any different from starting at any other new school- no matter what it is all new and scary.  This is my 14th new start at a school since kindergarten so I think I know the drill but am still swept away by the newness.
6.  Nothing is centrally located for information.  It isn't just at schools, it is that way in life.  Who is supposed to be in charge of SOP's for life? (standard operating procedure)
7.  Reading the whole Bible in 90 days is harder than I thought but much easier than reading it in a year.  (less time to mess around and get behind!)

Some things to know...

I am a girl who likes tips and tricks to make things easier.  I am easily a sucker for magazines that tout the newest way to overcome obstacles in my life and house.  Rarely though do I find something new anymore.  That said, I have discovered somethings over time and it occurred to me I might share them with you.

• Borax Mule Team worked great to keep my cloth diapers white and clean smelling- the same thing applies to musty smelling towels.  Put a quarter cup in the wash with smelly clothes or towels along with detergent and softener and you will have fresh smelling towels again.
• WD40 is a mothers best friend- if you have lipstick or crayons in stray places.  It takes an oil to break down an oil.  Both of those items are oil based, thus you need a finer oil to get rid of them.  WD40 will do that.  It wipes crayon right off a wall with NO work.  Easier than mr. clean.  Just don't use on FLAT paint.  
• Make deviled eggs pretty!  Use a ziploc to put the filling into, press out the air and seal.  Cut off a small corner (i mean SMALL) of the bottom and squeeze out like a decorator bag.  Works great.
• When you grease and flour a pan for chocolate cake, replace the flour with cocoa.  Plain old cocoa powder instead gives a lucious look to the cake.
• Use applesauce in all baked goods instead of  vegetable oil.  In a boxed cake, you can save hundreds of calories by replacing the 1/3 cup oil called for with applesauce.  The cake will be tender and light.  I love using cinnamon flavored in all but the white cakes.  
• Use an apple corer to core a cucumber.
• Want really white whites?  Get some bluing.  Old fashioned and it works.  Use as directed in your whites and line dry them in the sun.  The will blind you!
• Is your school/preschool always sending home lice notes?  Rub rosemary oil on your child's feet and behind ears (just a drop) daily.  It is a natural repellant to lice.
• Use dryer sheets (used are better) to dust with.  It stops the dust from returning as quickly, uses up the clothes for double duty and attracts the dust very nicely.
• Use old pantyhose on the end of your vacuum tube to get under furniture/radiators.  There will always be something under there that shouldn't be sucked up.  This lets it get caught on the stocking and you can then save the 'found' earring or toss the year old tator tot.  
• Every time you use a lemon or lime for juice, zest it first.  Freeze the zest to throw into pancake, cake, french toast, muffin batters.  
• Green hair from the pool?  Wash it with beer.  It is a cheap way to get the green out.  
• Static in your hairbrush?  Spray with hairspray first.  Then let dry a moment and brush your hair.  No more static. 

I guess that is a good enough list for now.  Just a few of my favorite hints.  I hope you find one useful. 

The answer is... suck it up and drive on

Many a time I am asked, "How do you do it?  How do you live with a man, give him your heart and bear him children, all while knowing he may leave for battle and never return?"  They even ask, "How does he do it?  How does he live with the fact that his job may take his life?"
All too often I want to say, "we don't".  But we do.  We just don't think about it too often and when we do, we pull up our big girl panties, suck it up and drive on.
That is what got every soldier through every battle.  That and the knowledge that 'someone' was back home, praying they would return.
Recently we were blessed to see a dear friend home on R&R (rest and relaxation in the middle of deployment for those non military).  When it was time for us to go, I hugged him and whispered in his ear, "Come home safe. Come home whole.  Not in a box.  Please."  As we walked away all I could think was I love his wife dearly, but I did not know if I would have her strength to help HER through that if it were to happen.
The point is, it happens.  So we cannot ignore it.  We don't "not think about it".  But we do avoid it when we can and live this life, this day, this moment.  We savor this kiss, this hug, this great marital intimacy, NOW.  We even find a way to savor the fights and frustrations.  I may complain that my beloved leaves his dirty underwear on the floor (apparently this is not an uncommon male trait), but as I do, I say a silent prayer of thanks, "he is here to do this, capable to do this, may he always be so."
I teach my children to be proud.  I cry when the National Anthem is played, when any patriotic song comes on.  I teach them and myself to let ourselves be caught up in this moment.  Why?  Because someday, that moment may be all we have left to remind of the one we loved and lost.  But we cannot dwell on it.
I make sure our ducks are in a row. Every good Army wife is trained too.
  Do you believe me?  Our training is subtle, but constant, and as necessary as theirs.   I know where all his paperwork is.  I know whose name is on every policy and what it will deliver should that day come.  I know how to put his ribbons back in order for an open casket.  I know what to expect if that black car pulls up and a chaplain and another officer get out. I know how long I have in housing, how long it will take for the first gratuity to fly in loved ones, what protection is granted us- and what isn't (Westboro baptist thugs) I know these things because if- that ever looming 'if' that is asked all the time of me- if it happens to us, I might be able to lean on that training when nothing else will work inside my broken heart and mind.  My training will be what I act upon by instinct.  And should I never need it, I am surrounded by my sisters in arms, who might need me to be there to gently guide them through in case their training just didn't quite kick in.  That applies in reverse too, which is why I am so invested in training Army spouses (God forbid in all this, but I am being real here.)
So there you have it.  We live with it.  We don't ignore it, we cannot.  It won't let us.  But if we let it consume us, we will drown. What we can do is treasure here, now, and today.  We allow ourselves our moments to delve deeply into the subject, like Memorial Day, when we remember all who have given thier life before us.  We let ourselves shed a tear.  We must do that- to honor them, to remember them.  Then we must let the others take on that task the rest of the time so we can do our job- which is not just to protect and serve, but to live.
Last night a friends husband shared that his mom always tells him"Carpe Diem". I wish that I could, I certainly try.  The thing is, we cannot ignore, we cannot dwell, and some days, we just cannot seize the freaking day.  All we can do is pull up those big girl panties.... suck it up.... and drive on.   That my friends is the answer to how we do it.

facebook gave me roots

We hear it all the time, "facebook ruined my marriage, my friendship, got me fired...".

Well apart from the fact that a computer program cannot do those things, I am here to say that facebook has done something really good, really true, of value, of moment, in my life.

I am a Brat.  yup... proud to say it.  Military, Army to be specific, Brat.  It is what I know.  It is what I do now, I am a BratBride.  I traded one ID card for another.  I had a civilian life once, many years ago, before my parents remarried and I was given a prefix to my sponsors ID#.

To be fair, that first life was when I was young, by the time I was 12 I was a Brat.  But the moving started much earlier.  I love my parents, let me just say that.  I am not trying to be unfair or mean, but the fact is, in general, every time my parents split up or got back together we moved.  So we could argue my training for Army life began early. Add to that, my father is a GOOD solid German Norwegian.  In good Scandinavian style, "we" don't speak about family, it might be gossip.  But that rule also stopped me from learning about my heritage. I lost an invaluable treasure trove of stories about who I am and who I come from.  I know what I learned from my mom's side and can only IMAGINE what I would feel if I had been able to connect to my fathers family in the same way.  I didn't even know what I had lost until I lived in Wisconsin.  There the women of my church and quilting group taught me old family recipes.  They shared thier stories of thier families in that odd womanly way that doesn't qualify as gossip somehow.

Let me back up though.  I have always felt like I had no roots, no home.  Once told that there is no way anyone doesn't have a place they truly call home, they said emphasized by asking where I want to be buried.  In all honesty, with a straight face, I answered, " Dig a hole beside my body and role me in."  I was and still am serious.  I have no place I call home.  None.  In face, I have few places I can go where anyone would recognize me if I showed up today.  My life is that ephemeral. Thus, I have no roots.
That is, I didn't.  Until facebook appeared.

Somehow, the roots to my high school- that no longer exists (due to BRAC, Base Realignment and Closure started in the 80's) were found through this neverland of the world wide web.  There have been reunions, there are groups, there are close friends reconnecting and recalling the fun.  Even the icky stuff too- but all of that is required to have roots.  You know, it takes poop to make good plants grow deep roots too.

 I have found many a dear friend on here.  Some, we find, we read up on each other and we then settle into a non-interactive connection again.  Others, who may not have been my closest confidants, are now quickly becoming the ones to whom I go for support, connection, encouragement and truth.  I know the rules.  I don't do that with the guys.  I have a loving hubby and I am not willing to risk that.  But that doesn't mean I won't add a guy to my friends list.  They are a root too.  Maybe one of those tiny ones, but they count.  They are a part of my past, a part of my now and will be a part of my future, even without facebook.

I have connected with cousins.  I have been shown pictures I did not know existed of me as a young girl.  I have found distant relatives through my grandfathers cousins!  I am finally, creating my own "web" of roots- and facebook is to credit, not to blame.  It has been a blessing in my life.  It has connected me with my college pals in Kansas and Minnesota.  It allows me to participate in Bible study groups.  It has let me learn who my husband is and has given me a key to that treasure trove of stories in my father's family, so that now I may share this with my children. I finally feel almost confidant enough to reach out to family in Minnesota to ask if I may come visit, to see family history in person, to see faces that look like mine, hair of flax that looks like my children's.
Yup... for once, facebook has done as good as an inanimate object may.  This Brat has finally found some roots, in spite of my lifestyle.  Thank goodness for this marriage wrecking, job losing, friend turned enemy making site.

Its Electric!

Cut to the chase: I got struck by lightening.  Yupper.  You know that question about why we are safe in a car in a lightening storm?  Well it also applies to why we are UNSAFE when we touch the chassis of a car in a lightening storm.
I was at the rear of my minivan, the gate up to put groceries in.  I had one foot on the ground (in NON rubber soled shoes) and one in the air to balance me as I bent forward to drop bags of groceries in the rear of the vehicle.  I places one hand on the frame of the door area, with what happened to be ONE ring finger pad touching the actual metal of the car, the rest grabbing onto the plastic material and rubber door seal.  The lightening struck.  Everything went absolute WHITE, then black, then it was all surrounded by halo's in rainbow colors.  The sound was instant and deafening, yet I felt it rather than heard it.
I quickly shoved the rest of the groceries in the car and got in.  I called my hubby as I began to drive toward home.  I told him I thought I was just struck and said the only thing that hurt was my finger- which felt like a bacon grease burn X10,000.  In fact, it was ash white.  As I spoke to him I started to realize I was not feeling so well and my chest was starting to hurt.  I called the nurse line while I drove and they BEGGED me to pull over immediately and call 911.  I told them I was about 1/2 mile from my hubbies office and I would go there and let them do anything.  I also knew the hospital was only a few blocks past that and that I could be there quicker than they could get an ambulance to me.  By the time I got to my hubbies office my chest really hurt and I felt quite weak. He rushed me to the ER and ran home (I had a LOT Of frozen and chilled foods, a whole months budget worth in a hot summer car!) to put them away and pick up kids from the bus.
I walked into the ER, signed in, told them I thought I was struck by lightening and they said have a seat.  I had almost made it to the chairs when I was suddenly surrounded by people, shoved into a wheelchair and whisked away.  They were stripping me before I even got to a private area and were slapping those leads on me like I was a sticker book for a 4 year old with a lifetime supply of stickers.
In the end, my blood work confirmed that I had indeed been struck and I had significant tissue damage.  I remember feeling that jolt go up my arm, through every joint, to my neck and then out- that shoulder hurt for months as the tissue tried to heal.
They said the reason the nurse line wanted me to pull over is that after a lightening strike, even an indirect one, your brain can simply shut down- like a bad PC.  Your heart will just stop and you will stop breathing with NO warning.  This risk lasts approximately 4-6 hours after the strike.

What saved my life was that I had been doing some serious walking recently.  I had noticed feeling disconnected and a little like I was kind of short circuiting lately.  I had been drinking my water and eating a higher sodium diet to avoid washing it out, but NO one told me that our potassium washes out as easily!! I had a nearly fatally low level of potassium in my blood.  Potassium is the lubricant for our nervous system.  Since mine was not lubricated well (the short circuit feeling I had been experiencing lately) it actually stopped the jolt from the damage it could have done.  The likelihood of severe damage or death was SIGNIFICANTLY higher if I had not lost so much potassium according to the docs and the blood work.

breathe.....

For Jeannie, and all who live a day of life missing a loved one who has gone on before us.


You took that breath last night in awe and wonder at amber moon light.
Missing those loved ones now a memory, wondering if connection yet exists.

You breathed them back into you- and sighed them out to the universe.

When we breathe we share infinite atoms that all life has breathed in before us.
That breath during birth shares the last of another and wraps us together eternally.

When you wonder if they will live on, will they be there in Three hundred years,
you can know deep inside, to the very atomic makeup that is Jeannie,
they are still here- and not just with you, but with me.

When I breath in this Christmas, with joy at the smiles of my children,
I will share that love of your loved ones.

It is said when we breathe we are speaking Gods name
and  when we consider breath the most silent and ultimate of gift
it all makes sense in that great cosmic way.

When we say goodbye to this earth, we do leave our love behind,
and it is given and remembered when we sob in grief, when we shout in ecstasy, and when we sigh in exhaustion.
They are in every moment of our lives yet.

Do not wonder my friend... know. And breathe.