Saturday, July 16, 2011

25 things, for my friend Fran and becuase of her. (from Jan 26, 2009)

25 Things, for my friend Fran and because of her

by Julie Kelly on Monday, January 26, 2009 at 10:26am
1. If I could change one thing about my life, it would be to live as a missionary with basically nothing. Simple is good.

2. If I could take back one thing in my life it would be that I never sang to my Great Aunt as I sat beside here during her end stages of cancer. Like the little drummer boy who had no gift to bring, I wanted so badly to give the only gift I could give, a song. Yet I sat, mute and afraid. I did not open my heart in song for her until it was too late, at her graveside in the pouring, icy, October rain.

3. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters. Mike, age 40, Wayne, age 38, Rick age 33, Anne, age 33, Lisa, age 33, Rich, age 31, Irene, age 30, and Josh age 24. We are a mix of his, hers and ours. In one family I am the oldest child and in the other I am the middle. No wonder I am messed up!

4. I have moved 39 times in my 35 years of life. 'Nuf said.

5. When I turned 9 I refused to admit it. I declared that I could not turn another year older as I had not done anything with my life yet to change the world. I thought keeping my old age of 8 would give me more time to fix my horrendous mistake and a chance to do something to make the world a better place.

6. Most people say I am confidant, but I am scared stiff and unsure of myself 90% of the time.

7. If I could take any vacation right now I would take all my girlfriends to a lonely beach with a huge hacienda and tons of good fresh food and yummy wine. We would spend the week eating, talking and working on our skin cancer risk. No men allowed.

8. I am quite nervous about the idea of Lance retiring and us not being so involved in the Army anymore- it is all I know!

9. I don't have too many interesting things to share because you all know what there is to know already. I try to live transparently- that is why so many people don't know how to take me; they figure there is something else behind it all... but there isn't.

10. My best writing happens at night when I cannot sleep. I type in a stream of conscious style (thanks Pat Sperry!) until my brain is empty.

11. I have never taken any classes on how to use a computer but I think I am allowed to call myself a mini geek. (what do you say Jason?)

12. I first kissed a boy in 2nd grade... but I kissed my first boyfriend in 7th grade.. Shane Nesmith in Clarksville TN.

13. I learned the facts of life at age 9 from the book "Where did I come from?" (great book to teach kids this stuff!)

14. I fell in love with Lance at first sight but thought I would never have a shot with him- until I started dating Tony Campbell (Fulda) and told Lance after church one Sunday and the look on his face said it all. I have never broken up with someone so fast in my life! Sorry Tony buy true love was waiting!

15. I found out I would never grow any taller when I was 15 and skied over my thumb (yes I am talented like that- that will be number 16 here) and had to have an x-ray. I have pretty much worn high heels ever since... not wanting to admit I am short for life. (5'4")

16. I have skied over my thumb (youth group ski trip from Fulda to Zugspitz). It is hard to describe- if you realllllly need to know how I achieved it hit me up for a real message.

17. I used to have to wear glasses- but at 16 I got hit in the head with a locker and ended up in the hospital for a week with a concussion. I missed out on the volleyball season and I still have the card my whole Jr. class made me. I could not see any writing for around a month without vomiting and somewhere around 6 weeks it cleared and voila- I had better than 20/20! Now I wear reading glasses due to age.

18. I have had 6 operations in my life. All for different things. Let me tell you- having a varicose vein removed realllllllyyyyyy hurts. Do NOT go Black Friday shopping only a week afterward!

19. My favorite color used to be green growing up. Now I would have to say it is tangerine orange. I am not sure what that says about me.

20. When I need to reset mentally I picture myself standing on a hill, standing between fresh white sheets hung on a line, as they blow in the stiff breeze. The sky is sunny but I cannot see the sun- I am simply caressed by the white and sheets.

21. When I had my first surgery I remember thinking how nice the "nothingness" was. I heard a voice saying "Julie, breath or I will have to put your tube back in" several times- but I really didn't care. I did not "know" I had a loving husband, 60 day old twins and 2 other lovely children waiting for me to come back to them. That scared me stiff. To this day I am affected by it- grasping life for all it is worth.

22. I HATE painkillers. They don't get rid of the pain, they just make me not care- and I HATE not caring or losing control- I am a control freak!

23. My favorite book in the Bible is Ruth. The story of friendship, devotion, love and the power of chosen family is so inspiring to me.

24. I am named after my Great Aunt Julie whose real name was Violet Jewell Torricellas. She died when she was verrrrry young of a massive heart attack. She also had twin boys. I kind of freak out her living siblings every so often when they see me as an adult because I remind them of her very much.

25. I love to make tortillas and I hear that mine are pretty darned good. (especially my flour ones with oregano in them.)

question

  Originally posted and written 2-19-2009

I hear this friend,
her mom is dying.
Soon 
she will no longer
hold her mommy.

I watch the tv,
stories of 
reaching,
grasping,
desperation
and I think...
how horrible for them.

I know 
divorce and
death and
poverty
are all around, 
most times not so silent.

My husband
feeds a huddled vagabond
on his way to the train
from a warm office.

The world is starving
and in Haiti
the 
only
hope
is what is eternal
where hunger
is 
no
more.

I see this
I hear it
I wince and
hear the stories and
watch
the tears
in my dear friends eyes.

So what right do I have to feel sorrow for myself?

What right have I
to feel unaccomplished,
incomplete with
no end in sight?

What right have I to
shed a tear
over little time for "me"
in a selfish society?

In Rwanda
there is
no thought to "me"
instead,
will I
survive
HIV to
raise my child?

And I sit
in my
comfy bed
at my
shiny laptop
with tears
in my eyes
ache in my throat...

wondering....

who am I that
I am
so special
special enough
to be sad
that I am not 
what I dreamed.

it feels like the first time- all over again- starting a new degree

You would think that once you have been to a couple of colleges, they all would start to have a large degree of commonality.  Not so.  I am floundering around again to learn new terms for a new college and, in the mindset of BK, doing it "their way."

Let me back up a moment and clarify a few things.  I started college and still did not understand, at age 32, what the difference was between an associate and bachelor degree.  It was not until about 2 years ago, at age 36, that I understood the difference between a bachelor of arts or sciences.  I am still struggling to understand the whole graduate and undergraduate component.  So, being the first generation to successfully attend and complete college in my family, I am learning the hard way- through a lot of mistakes, failures, missed deadlines and even more questions that really make me feel uneducated.

Having a bachelor degree under my belt, I thought I would feel smarter.  But not really.  I feel more uneducated than ever before.  I believe someone once said they were once too dumb to know what they didn't know and the more they learned the more they knew what they didn't know.  That would be me now.

I am all set for my classes to begin at Luther Seminary in Minneapolis.  For those who didn't know yet, I am a Master of Divinity student (MDiv)in a fairly new distance learning(DL) program.  (that is a whole different post!).  I will be learning from home, via Internet, but also must spend a month each year (2 weeks every June and January) on campus doing intensives. I also have to volunteer here locally  and keep up with my cohort (that is my learning 'group') weekly.  It is a far more structured distance learning program than most colleges offer, especially at the graduate level, but I believe that is fully necessary given the degree.

Being the first ever MDiv, DL  student for the New York Metro Synod of the ELCA (a Lutheran denomination), I am a guinea pig in a fishbowl- that is, watched quite closely.

So I have observed a few things at this point.
1.  Every college forgets what it is like to be a brand new student with them and misses opportunities to make it a little less frustrating or fear inducing.
2.  Greek doesn't count for credit toward an MDiv degree but you have to take a bunch of it.
3.  Minneapolis is supposed to have amazing stuffed burgers and I am making the list of places to try now.
4.  There is an app for Greek flashcards!
5.  It doesn't feel any different from starting at any other new school- no matter what it is all new and scary.  This is my 14th new start at a school since kindergarten so I think I know the drill but am still swept away by the newness.
6.  Nothing is centrally located for information.  It isn't just at schools, it is that way in life.  Who is supposed to be in charge of SOP's for life? (standard operating procedure)
7.  Reading the whole Bible in 90 days is harder than I thought but much easier than reading it in a year.  (less time to mess around and get behind!)