Why I blog

I have been asked before why I blog, but the answer was never as clear as what I heard in a class on Job today; "Sometimes we just need to speak and for just one other person to hear."  That is why I blog, to put my small, lone voice out there, hoping that one other person will hear me.  Maybe we will grow closer, maybe we will understand each other better.  Maybe I won't feel so filled to overfull of whatever I am blogging about?
We all need to reach out to one another- I just choose to do mine through blogging sometimes.  I am sharing who I am, my life, my problems, my joys.  You don't need to fix them, comment on them, or even read them.   But, if you do, and you have wondered why I write so much "Stuff", this is why- I long to pluck the string that ties humanity together to hear the music of bond.  

the dream of a garden memorial

I dreamt that I walked in soft green grass,
the whisper of wind in the trees.
The flowers all nodded their sweet hello
as they welcomed the buzzing of bees.

I dreamt of a tree whose leaves unfurled
and gathered my sorrow within
And took it from me and gave me instead
peace and innocent comfort again.

The sun touched my hair in gentle warmth
while the breeze brushed my cheek so soft
Now lightened inside, my heart once more whole
No more burdened by such grief and loss.

I stood and I turned to leave that place
with its sweet peace and timeless lore
Understanding again, she is not here
I will see her in heaven once more.



~ A true dream, written the morning after the death of fellow Luther Seminary Classmate and DL Cohort 4 member, Rebeccah Whitlock  September 11, 2014.  

Waiting... hoping...

Grief.  Death.  Loss.
They do funny things.
Twisted things.

I sit here with my grief in my lap,
rocking it.
I do not want to hold it,
I want to let it go.
But if I let it go, will I have let them go too?

It feels like this,
this bit of nothing,
whole of everything,
is all I have left of them
at this moment.

My soul is calmly watching.
Listening, humming.
Her knitting needles are gently
clicking, tapping, winding,
as she knits a prayer covering
that never seems to end.
She knows this too shall pass,
That all is well, really.

But my spirit- it is wounded.
She looks like a rag left in the street,
dull, tattered, useless and unattractive
in its disrepair and overuse.
Run over and over, it lies there.
Waiting.  Hoping.
But too tired to do anything.

And my mind, well it goes places.
It remembers last breaths.
It remembers smiles and love.
It wonders what it is like
when our soul leaves here.
It twists and turns and wonders,
wonderful, gruesome, morbid things.
Beautiful, sad, poignant things.

One more post seems impossible

I am supposed to write one more blog post for my class project.  Somehow though, as I sat here taking a break and surfing my facebook community I learned a close friend lost her battle with cancer today.

My heart is broken.

I want to hit this screen and yet- it is all I have right now to connect me to her and all our old school chums as we gather virtually in our grief.  It IS my community right now. 

This is where I will find solace through shared prayers- even though they are typed.  This is where I will be able to express anger and pain- to laugh over old pictures and then shed a tear that no more will come with her in them. 

This post just seems impossible to write and yet...I cannot seem to think of one quote from our books and yet- every page seems to scream the same message to me:  do not discount the power of the gospel, no matter what the medium. 

This is exactly why we need to take the lessons from this Media in Parish Education and RUN with them- run into the wind, the sun, the rain- run far and wise, spreading the news- the gospel.   In these moments- in this grief, I have little to offer her or the community except words through a digital screen... and that- that is a gift.  10 years ago I would have sat looking at an email and cried.  Now I can go to her page, see her pictures, the posts and share, right now in community. 

This- this is not some passing fad.  It is a gift to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 

Dedicated to the precious memory of Shannon Riedel, mother, wife, friend and sister in Christ who lived and died into her Baptism on this day, 13 December, 2013.

A gift to me, for me, this year

 In our Luther Seminary portfolios, we are asked by professor Mary Hess to include competencies.  These fall into three categories, knowledge, attitude and skill. In my second semester, under knowledge competency 1B, which is
"Familiar with basic faith nurture and learning theories: faith development over the life cycle, multiple intelligences, constructivist learning design (eg Parker Palmer's community of truth model), developmental learning principles, cross cultural learning, etc."
I noted this: 

"At this time this is not a competency I have acquired.  Ed I was the first chance I had to really begin to understand how to apply these theories. I am not familiar with most of them and am hoping through coursework I will become more so."

As I reflect on this second Ed course, I realize that I have indeed learned a new intelligence and learning design that encompasses the cross cultural learning of the internet and media today.  It is so easy to take it for granted- I have internet and ability and knowledge to use it.  I forget that I know things that many do not- even in my own home.  'Mom, how do you use this security thing again for virus control?'  'Honey, how do I connect the printer to the network?'

How easy it is to not even realize that this ability and knowledge can leave others behind in the church community- or- it can bring them closer.  The important part is remembering I have this tool- that others out there want to use it too and that we can bring everyone together with it- even those who choose not to use it.  We can share the gospel in a whole new way (cue A Whole New World  from Disney's Aladdin).

A thing learned... a joy, a sorrow

Time moves on- a restless, ever moving, ever changing, never changing entity, one we cannot ignore or hide from.

"From that one experience, a finger touching a flame, a person learns countless things."
~ A New Culture of Learning

It has been a joy to share my blog in a new way.  I did not start this blog for a large following.  It was a way to share my stories with my friends- not the world or even my classmates.  It continued as a way for my family and curious minds to see what happens in my life as a seminarian, mom, Army wife and plain old nomad.  Now, I share it with my classmates for my Ed II class that is about media in the parish.

One would think that closing each class is a joy... and it is to a degree.  But it also brings to an end a special relationship built, sometimes with one or two, more often, with 5 or 10 others who get to know each other in a whole new way.  I am grateful for our social media, for our internet and the blessing of online learning.  I am honored to read my classmates blogs and long after this class is done, I will be keeping them on my rss, wondering how they are and in an instant I will know.

Who would have thought how amazing the internet could be at helping us build relationships with someone we never met and may never share a cup of coffee with?  Not me, but boy oh boy, am I glad.

Ps.. here is a link to an old blog post about ends and goodbyes: should old acquaintance be forgot

Quote from A New Culture of Learning, SeelyBrown & Thomas, 2011.

Trade of the internet-privacy for agency

How do we gain agency in a world that seems to take joy in making more rules and taking away more personal freedom in the name of communal freedoms?  What would our world look like right now without the internet?  What has gotten better because of the internet?  Have we lost more or gained more agency?

Take this case of racial profiling in NYC.  Using '250's, the NYPD stop random persons under 'suspicion' and frisk them, filing a report whether anything came of it or not.  They have quotas to make on these and are subject to negative action if they do not submit.

Yes, things are changing now.  But why?  Because of the agency the internet provides us, that social media provides us.  UpWorthy is one such site that includes amazing stories that make a difference, exposing love, hate, law, injustice, passion, hilarity and more.

Yes indeed, we lose some agency on the internet- we lose privacy to be involved... but we gain a world of agency at our fingertips... if we have the internet and are willing to use it for better, we can make a difference, we can have a voice and give that voice to the voiceless. 

For more on this trade off and how to manage it, read NetSmart, How to Thrive Online, Howard Rheingold, 2012.