Brenden's story

Our oldest child, Brenden Shea Kelly was born October 14, 1995. He came home from the hosptial on our 2nd anniversary- the 16th.

When we found out we were pregnant we had come home to VA for my dad's Army Retirement (surprised him!). I also learned that I get horrible morning sickness and that Army C-130 planes DO NOT help. 4 months of worshipping the porcelain god multiple times a day led to great relief when it passed- as well as several times in the hospital for dehydration. One of those Lance decided he could not take the blood spurting out of the accidentally loosened IV tube in my arm so he went down and had to be admitted to make sure he did not have a concussion... remember this when you get to the epidural part, k?

Labor was long and intensive with him. I had what is called Latent Labor (if I recall right). After they admitted me it was another 56 hours before he was born and for 3 days prior I had spent all day at L&D as they kept thinking it would kick in. No dice, so they would send me home because they HAD to by regulations.

I had horrible back labor. HORRIBLE>I was black and blue over my whole back for several weeks afterwards from mom and Lance pushing on my back to help. They could not lift their arms for several days afterwards due to sore muscles. Oh- and when they did give me the epidural I had one area it did not numb- so all the pain went there. Apparently that happens with every epidural I get.

When I got my epidural (which Lance does not remember because he tried to get all the attention by passing out from the vision of that nice short needle going into my backbone! lol) they lost all of my vitals and Brenden's too. I remember coming to with O2 on my face and people all rushing around me. Close call to C-section number one.

Later, I did a reversal in my progression. I went from 7 to barely a 5. They said that rarely turns itself around and they were going to give me one hour and then prep for c section. 40 minutes later I told them I needed to push- well actually I told them that 20 minutes later but they did not believe me and took 20 to finally come and check me.... to their amazement he was nearly crowned! 3 pushes and my little guy was here. We did not know the sex so we had several names chosen. I wanted Lucas and Lance wanted Brenden. I looked into my husbands eyes and had to cave- his son.... his choice for name. I was so blessed to have them both!

Unfortunately because they had broken my water over 30 hours before I had a reallllly bad uterine infection. (duh- all those people checking me for way too long!) So they had to take him to the NICU to make sure he was ok and monitor him for a few hours.

Of course the hospital had no running water and they had no water to drink- only apple juice- the one thing I cannot drink. The solution from the nurse was to go buy a soda up the hall! ARHGH! With an infection, high fever, etc and you want me to drink a SODA????
Anyone who has given birth also knows about peri-bottles. well when the water came on it was brown and they wanted me to use that in the bottle....with an infection. Nice, huh?
On the 3rd day, late in the day I was allowed to go home with our little bundle.
I found my friends had rearranged my house and cleaned it. I was exhausted but thrilled. Our marriage had brought its first blessing home.

Today that little boy is sprouting chin hairs, has a voice deeper than his dad's and is now officially taller than me... barely. And he turns 14. Not a baby anymore.

my grandma

For my Grandma T;

Upon this last breath I give her up and trust her to the Lord's embrace. She will feel no more of these worldly things that cause us hurt.

Her pearly white locks will be full of color and youth, her eyes sparkling with joy and excitement as she wanders her grandfathers shop of second hand goods on the end of eternity street. Her soft wrinkled skin will be firm with the color of springtime blossoms reflected in the perfection.

She will know the names of all those who passed before her- the ones she has poured over for years- and now she will have a face to go with. She can ask the questions of them that sit open in those books of history with no answer we know now. And we will envy this knowledge with a smile.

She will sit at a table with her mother and daddy; engaging in loving banter, laughter and joy. She will prepare a place for her lover, her child, her progeny, and wait patiently for us to join her- enjoining us to wait for our time and not come too soon.

She will no longer roll beside us in her scooter, will not guide us over the phone, will not chide us lovingly for a poor choice. She will not holler "Worth" with that disapproving voice when he tells an all too colorful family story... nor will she call out, "Worth" when she seeks his guidance, his voice, his wisdom to balance with hers.

She will not dance with her granddaughters for now. She will no longer crochet an afghan to wrap around us on cold nights when we cry our tears over her passing and her personalized patches sewn with love on each one will become a legacy to future generations.

She is tiny again, a wraith of beauty that no one needs peach colored glasses to see clearly- they will all see her as her beloved did for over 58 years. She now lives in our memories as all too human and frail- not the woman of strength and character we knew- but one whose strength we only now begin to grasp.

Her loving arms will not hold another generation and her missing birthday cards will be the most painful moment of each of our birthdays for years to come. There will be no more PTA baths- instead her lithe heavenly form, slipping gently into sweetly scented pools of crystal clear water that slide over her skin like silk and she breathes deeply and swims with no effort as far as the eye can see.

We will catch our breath as we feel the tears run down our cheeks, struggling to swallow, grasping for solace in words that right now are so lacking in solace... and yet.... we are filled with joy for her- with love that words cannot express our respect, honor, awe, tribute and adoration.

Instead of locked to a chair, taking each breathe from a tube, she will run, ski on one ski, rebuild an engine, climb to a roof, and never, ever need to worry that she cannot breathe.

Now she will dance with cousins long gone, fish with her daddy, walk with our Jesus and know a peace we could not give her here. She will be free, glancing back with a loving expression as if to say- "you will be okay, I taught you well. It is time for you and me both to fly."

And then she will.