Well, here I go again. I am so tired! Tired of moving, tired of traveling, tired of changes that are constant and huge. I know we all deal with change- it is inevitable, but it is also exhausting and stressful when those changes are constant or huge
mmmmm* wait* have to tell you I just tried the new pralines and cream creamer and it is simply scrumptious!
ok- back to my spiel.
I know that I was born to be a nomad. God has a great plan for each of us and it occurs to me that often we chafe against said plan. Instead, we seek to be or know or become something we are not intended to be. It is in this fruitless search that we find true unhappiness. We keep seeking something we cannot nor should not have and we become so much further from Gods love that we cannot even see the light at times.
So how do we reach around and grab ourselves by the neck to straighten ourselves out? How do we wake up our conscience to the reality that we are unhappy seeking this pseudo-me? How do we take what we think makes us unhappy or that we believe has no purpose other than misery and understand that it truly is our destiny? How do you cherish that which drives you crazy with frustration?
I have no answer here. I bet you thought I did. I don't. I simply know that although I am worn and the thought of a suitcase makes me want to puke, I know that God is growing me for a greater purpose. There is something only a traveler can understand or appreciate while in juxtaposition, there is something only a lifetime homebody can in the same way- yet completely different things. We are given these things for perspective. We are given these things that give us blisters so that we can grow a callous there and become stronger and more impervious through time and trial- in order to achieve something that sometimes we do not even see coming. MInd you, this is not a callous against God- he does not chafe us- rather he is the balm. He is there to rub our swollen, battered, bruised, blistered and calloused feet. This callous is against the hurt and hatred of mankind and the sin within each and every one of us. It separates us in time- giving us a special closeness with God- protected by that callous from the world. We still have to deal with it- but with a protective armor from him.
Maybe I am at the point in my life that I have lost my callous. Maybe I have cushioned myself from the callous in order not to form one... or maybe I am at the point of injury in the blistering that I MUST stop and rest, letting God do the rest. I do not know. I only know that I am tired, worn and begging for some time to just be home. To watch my children play and my hubby to sit beside me on the stoop with a beer while we watch the sun set over the corn and soy fields. I do not know that I will get that- but I do know that as long as I do not get those things (or at least very often) I will cherish them all the more- as I would a home that is MINE again and the chance to gather enough junk to actually have a yard sale again. I will drink in the precious moments of life and gather them closely to my heart. I will record them as best I can, to be able to come back to them in moments of despair and loss in order to find my compass again.
So here I go..... again...
Friday, July 20, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
how to scare a state trooper- my true story
So the story goes something along the lines of ...
Lance gets delayed in Chicago on Tuesday and the airlines are saying they can give him a flight home Thursday.... this is Tuesday... hmmmm. Not okay with this. No bag, no hotel, no food, stuck in his uniform and forced now to sleep in the USO which is so crowded that he cannot even sleep on the floor- but has to do it in a chair sitting up. Hot dog for dinner. Man is he living the life.
Leave is supposed to start on Wednesday so we can spend some family time down in the Dells using these super coupon books that are going to expire on Friday. I am not doing well with this development.
On the rag and freaked out because I hear my ultimately quiet husband totally losing it on the other end of the phone and his phone is dying and they wont let him use one. Hmm. It just keeps getting better.
Wednesday morning I call the travel office on post and they say "I don't know why the airlines is telling him there are no flights, there is one for this afternoon." So he is supposed to arrive at 3. I call him to tell him and that is the last I heard from him.
Hours have passed and I cannot get through. I need to know if he made it onto the flight before I drive to LaCrosse to pick him up (1 hour each way). Of course because of those $(*&(& alQaida pieces of *(&^ it is now against federal law to tell someone if their loved one is on the flight or not. Not the airlines problem is their attitude. So I am sitting here thinking how the hell am I gonna do this?
No one will help me on the other calls either. I am not asking for help with lost baggage for him.. I am assuming his bag is there in LaCrosse- sent on without him. The problem is that since it is not lost no one can help me. The wait on the baggage line for American is outrageous. 20+ minutes pass and I get hung up on as they answer. 20+ more minutes and I get told they cannot help me since I do not have a lost baggage claim number.
ARGGHHHHH! No one is answering at the airport in Lacrosse to ask them if the stupid bag is there.
American will not help Lance or I out in anyway. In Chicago there are two wings with American on them- do they connect and let you only do security once?
No.
That would make sense. So they keep sending him back and forth to the different desks and through security each time (with those damned combat boots to lace up each time) when they can pick up the damned phone and talk to each other instead of sending him like a message boy. I am pissed off by this point. In fact it has been over 2 weeks and I am still pissed off about that.
So, I finally talk to someone at the airlines who is named Julie... and she is nice (of course). She cannot tell me if he is on the plane right?
How about she page him. If he answers then he is not on the plane. If he does not then he is more than likely on it. She cannot tell me no- this is not illegal right? To page someone?
Later she gets back on the phone to say
"Ma'm ALL the passengers are on the plane"
I say, "so what you are saying Julie is that NO ONE got bumped from this flight?"
"yes"
"and everyone who had a boarding pass for this flight is on it?" "yes".
(Biggest breath of my life!!!!)
Whew. Ok. Thanked her and got into the car.
Driving along thinking the worst is over right?
No.
State trooper pulls me over for doing 3 over. He says he is only gonna give me a warning. How nice of him and while he goes to write it up and run my license I start to cry. No, correction. I start to bawl. I am sobbing to the point that I am close to hyperventilating! I am trying to hold it together and it is not working.
He comes back to the window and hands it to me and I am polite and say thank you. He says "Ma'm its only a warning" (cause I am bawling) and I say I know and thank you, I know I deserved a ticket. "But.... Ma'm, it's only a warning, you wont have to pay a fine or anything" ( he says with concern because I must be purple with crying at this point).
That was his mistake.
This poor officer.
Shoulda walked away while he could.
No, he has to keep talking because he is nice and concerned.
Well I broke. In one breath I say:
"I know it is just a warning and that I deserve more- it isn't this- it is just a combination of things today and this was the last straw because my husband has been stuck in Chicago and I am not sure when he is going to get home and no one has been helping either of us and I cannot reach him cause his cell phone died while he was stuck at O'Hare and I am fed up with American Airlines and the US Government!" big breath "So if you don't mind I am going to sit here and cry until I feel safe enough to drive."
OOHHH MY GOSH!!!!
Ya'll shoulda seen the look on his face!!!!!!!
That poor, poor man.
It was that look when a guy has totally stepped into the mother pile of female shi-shi and has no friggin idea what to do and only wants out cause this is WAY out of his comfort zone.
You know it ladies- that deer in the headlights, oh crap what did i do, what is she gonna do next- look?!?! He had it. And bad.
That poor man had no idea when he came to work today he was gonna get into the female shi-shi zone. He stammered out a "uhh...ooo, ok, have a nice day." and left. That was the only high point of my day besides when I saw Lance at that airport (which by the way was another 2 hours delayed and I sat in LaCrosse the whole damn time).
So, there you have it. How to scare the piss out of a state trooper.
Have a nice day! lol
Lance gets delayed in Chicago on Tuesday and the airlines are saying they can give him a flight home Thursday.... this is Tuesday... hmmmm. Not okay with this. No bag, no hotel, no food, stuck in his uniform and forced now to sleep in the USO which is so crowded that he cannot even sleep on the floor- but has to do it in a chair sitting up. Hot dog for dinner. Man is he living the life.
Leave is supposed to start on Wednesday so we can spend some family time down in the Dells using these super coupon books that are going to expire on Friday. I am not doing well with this development.
On the rag and freaked out because I hear my ultimately quiet husband totally losing it on the other end of the phone and his phone is dying and they wont let him use one. Hmm. It just keeps getting better.
Wednesday morning I call the travel office on post and they say "I don't know why the airlines is telling him there are no flights, there is one for this afternoon." So he is supposed to arrive at 3. I call him to tell him and that is the last I heard from him.
Hours have passed and I cannot get through. I need to know if he made it onto the flight before I drive to LaCrosse to pick him up (1 hour each way). Of course because of those $(*&(& alQaida pieces of *(&^ it is now against federal law to tell someone if their loved one is on the flight or not. Not the airlines problem is their attitude. So I am sitting here thinking how the hell am I gonna do this?
No one will help me on the other calls either. I am not asking for help with lost baggage for him.. I am assuming his bag is there in LaCrosse- sent on without him. The problem is that since it is not lost no one can help me. The wait on the baggage line for American is outrageous. 20+ minutes pass and I get hung up on as they answer. 20+ more minutes and I get told they cannot help me since I do not have a lost baggage claim number.
ARGGHHHHH! No one is answering at the airport in Lacrosse to ask them if the stupid bag is there.
American will not help Lance or I out in anyway. In Chicago there are two wings with American on them- do they connect and let you only do security once?
No.
That would make sense. So they keep sending him back and forth to the different desks and through security each time (with those damned combat boots to lace up each time) when they can pick up the damned phone and talk to each other instead of sending him like a message boy. I am pissed off by this point. In fact it has been over 2 weeks and I am still pissed off about that.
So, I finally talk to someone at the airlines who is named Julie... and she is nice (of course). She cannot tell me if he is on the plane right?
How about she page him. If he answers then he is not on the plane. If he does not then he is more than likely on it. She cannot tell me no- this is not illegal right? To page someone?
Later she gets back on the phone to say
"Ma'm ALL the passengers are on the plane"
I say, "so what you are saying Julie is that NO ONE got bumped from this flight?"
"yes"
"and everyone who had a boarding pass for this flight is on it?" "yes".
(Biggest breath of my life!!!!)
Whew. Ok. Thanked her and got into the car.
Driving along thinking the worst is over right?
No.
State trooper pulls me over for doing 3 over. He says he is only gonna give me a warning. How nice of him and while he goes to write it up and run my license I start to cry. No, correction. I start to bawl. I am sobbing to the point that I am close to hyperventilating! I am trying to hold it together and it is not working.
He comes back to the window and hands it to me and I am polite and say thank you. He says "Ma'm its only a warning" (cause I am bawling) and I say I know and thank you, I know I deserved a ticket. "But.... Ma'm, it's only a warning, you wont have to pay a fine or anything" ( he says with concern because I must be purple with crying at this point).
That was his mistake.
This poor officer.
Shoulda walked away while he could.
No, he has to keep talking because he is nice and concerned.
Well I broke. In one breath I say:
"I know it is just a warning and that I deserve more- it isn't this- it is just a combination of things today and this was the last straw because my husband has been stuck in Chicago and I am not sure when he is going to get home and no one has been helping either of us and I cannot reach him cause his cell phone died while he was stuck at O'Hare and I am fed up with American Airlines and the US Government!" big breath "So if you don't mind I am going to sit here and cry until I feel safe enough to drive."
OOHHH MY GOSH!!!!
Ya'll shoulda seen the look on his face!!!!!!!
That poor, poor man.
It was that look when a guy has totally stepped into the mother pile of female shi-shi and has no friggin idea what to do and only wants out cause this is WAY out of his comfort zone.
You know it ladies- that deer in the headlights, oh crap what did i do, what is she gonna do next- look?!?! He had it. And bad.
That poor man had no idea when he came to work today he was gonna get into the female shi-shi zone. He stammered out a "uhh...ooo, ok, have a nice day." and left. That was the only high point of my day besides when I saw Lance at that airport (which by the way was another 2 hours delayed and I sat in LaCrosse the whole damn time).
So, there you have it. How to scare the piss out of a state trooper.
Have a nice day! lol
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Little boys in trouble...
Little boys who go somewhere without asking are grounded little boys.
Little boys whose mom yells for 30 minutes- calling thier name with no answer -are asking for a spanking with Hall of Great Spankings quality.
Little boys whose mommy has to knock on neighbors doors are children of one scared mommy who cannot stop thinking about children abducted and murdered right near their own homes.
Little boys whose mommy has to recruit the neighborhood children to hunt for them, have one pissed off mommy to come home to.
Little boys who get found, after Mommy calls Daddy and scares him to pieces with the news thier child is missing, are little boys that get a Come to Jesus talk like no other when Daddy comes home.
Little boys who just decide to go somewhere and not ask or share where they are going... are little boys who will not be going to the fair today.
Little boys whose mom yells for 30 minutes- calling thier name with no answer -are asking for a spanking with Hall of Great Spankings quality.
Little boys whose mommy has to knock on neighbors doors are children of one scared mommy who cannot stop thinking about children abducted and murdered right near their own homes.
Little boys whose mommy has to recruit the neighborhood children to hunt for them, have one pissed off mommy to come home to.
Little boys who get found, after Mommy calls Daddy and scares him to pieces with the news thier child is missing, are little boys that get a Come to Jesus talk like no other when Daddy comes home.
Little boys who just decide to go somewhere and not ask or share where they are going... are little boys who will not be going to the fair today.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Independance Day
Upon this Independence Day I find myself ever so grateful that I am an Army Wife. I love my "job". I love supporting my soldier- and every other soldier and their family out there. I love every moment- even those of frustration and fear.
There is a preciousness in being the one a deployed soldiers wife calls in the middle of the night because she cannot sleep without him and the fear in the dark has become all too real.
There is a sweetness in watching my children put on their papa's uniform and clomp around in his combat boots trying to salute, then watching them fall backwards and lie there like an overturned turtle with arms and legs flailing when their papas rucksack overcame their sense of balance.
There is a moment of envy when I see that they truly can fit in his duffel bag- and it wont matter because he cannot take them along.
There is a moment of sadness and fear and pride that is worth more than diamonds when I hear a patriotic song like Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood or when I watch a video for songs like Letters from War by Mark Schultz. I dread the idea of learning a new APO address knowing it means that someone I love is probably not going to Germany- but instead to Afghanistan or Iraq.
There is even something special in that moment of sadness and discomfort that I do not have an answer when asked where "home" is only to say "I don't have one, I am an Army Brat and Bride".
I love the bittersweet confusion of spending holidays with my "new" family- the other Army families who are far from home too- instead of my blood kin and then the flip side of finally getting enough leave to go home and wishing instead I were with my Army Family.
There is something unspeakably exhausting of having a Holiday card list that is over 300 names long because the only way I will ever be able to keep up with parents friends (affectionately called aunt or uncle), family, school chums and friends from each place I have lived is to at least write them once a year. Who knows...we may want to bunk at their place on leave time knowing that while it saves us hotel fare, it also allows us precious time with ones we call dear.
So on this Independence Day I find myself full of thoughts and feelings-some good, some not so much... but all worth it when I think of the tradition we carry on and what we are doing it for. You. God Bless you on this Independence Day.
There is a preciousness in being the one a deployed soldiers wife calls in the middle of the night because she cannot sleep without him and the fear in the dark has become all too real.
There is a sweetness in watching my children put on their papa's uniform and clomp around in his combat boots trying to salute, then watching them fall backwards and lie there like an overturned turtle with arms and legs flailing when their papas rucksack overcame their sense of balance.
There is a moment of envy when I see that they truly can fit in his duffel bag- and it wont matter because he cannot take them along.
There is a moment of sadness and fear and pride that is worth more than diamonds when I hear a patriotic song like Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood or when I watch a video for songs like Letters from War by Mark Schultz. I dread the idea of learning a new APO address knowing it means that someone I love is probably not going to Germany- but instead to Afghanistan or Iraq.
There is even something special in that moment of sadness and discomfort that I do not have an answer when asked where "home" is only to say "I don't have one, I am an Army Brat and Bride".
I love the bittersweet confusion of spending holidays with my "new" family- the other Army families who are far from home too- instead of my blood kin and then the flip side of finally getting enough leave to go home and wishing instead I were with my Army Family.
There is something unspeakably exhausting of having a Holiday card list that is over 300 names long because the only way I will ever be able to keep up with parents friends (affectionately called aunt or uncle), family, school chums and friends from each place I have lived is to at least write them once a year. Who knows...we may want to bunk at their place on leave time knowing that while it saves us hotel fare, it also allows us precious time with ones we call dear.
So on this Independence Day I find myself full of thoughts and feelings-some good, some not so much... but all worth it when I think of the tradition we carry on and what we are doing it for. You. God Bless you on this Independence Day.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Morning shower
So, All, I must tell you first of my day. I awoke and came downstairs- remembering, (slightly irritated, but over all resigned… this is the life of a mom) as I approached my desk that I would not be able to make coffee, sit and check emails and devote quiet time this morning- last night the boys leaned on the pull-out under the desk that holds the keyboard and broke it out. So I quietly went to the garage, got the tools I needed and came in to completely take the desk apart (after cleaning off the hutch on top and all that goes with a family of 6 at one desk). I got the desk done and was putting things back in order, straightening the tangle of cords behind it when…I heard the children get up for the day and "thought" I heard a shower start. Now mind you, at this point I am still in summer pj's and have not even made my coffee yet. I was shocked beyond belief to hear water hitting a floor near me… thinking someone was pouring out a pitcher- I ran to the hall (tiled) to see water cascading from the light fixture above and pouring through the drywall seams!!! I ran up the stairs to find a flood of water at least 4 inches deep coming out of the children's bathroom. It was the toilet. One of them flushed, shut the lid and walked away. What I thought (so proudly) was a child taking initiative to get clean for the day was not that at all!!! The water was a river running down the hall on the carpet towards the bedrooms! I shut off the toilet and after a couple of calls I proceeded to go to the basement to get rags to start cleaning up… only to realize… it had continued through the main floor and my basement was also flooded- water pouring through the light fixture and minuscule cracks in the flooring. What is the look on your face right now?? Because my was in shock. Upon quick scouting I saw my scrapbook pages of our honeymoon in Paris from 13 years ago were lying open on the table…. Blessedly not wet!!! But all around them was. I had to move quickly. After moving that all to dry ground I realized the carpets were saturated and pulled the ones that were dry well away so they would not become so. At about this point the neighbor, Kathrin, came over as the children had run SCREAMING bloody murder to her house saying "Mommy needs help!!!!" Needless to say she was GREATLY relieved to see it was "simply a flood" and not death or near death…yet. We began clean up on our hands and knees, sopping a towel and wringing it out… about this time Lance came home. He had gone for a short run- that ended up long because he was feeling so good- only to come home to THIS!! He is in the middle of a hot case right now at work and really cannot spare the time to be home so he took a little extra time-but then headed off to work- allowing me to practice my Army wife title of "Change Master" (read: Who stole my cheese?)
I proceeded to clean up while the children were at summer enrichment activities. When they came home they were so good as to stay outside and play… until….(wait- don't forget to breath- cause I can tell you are holding your breath now!)...Brenden came running upstairs to tell me that the twins had taken the water hose they had been told they could use for their slip n slide and were having a water fight… INSIDE THE GARAGE!!!! Now I must say I have been so good at not raising my voice at the kids in anger for some time now. I BLEW A GASKET. I was furious and tired and overwhelmed and did not care that the hollow garage was taking my voice and making it as though I were yelling into a microphone- so the whole street heard- Actually I think it was the whole neighborhood-possibly even the north end of town! I set their wet little rear ends on the porch and told them not to move til I told them to. I eventually calmed down enough to get them.. only to find them asleep on the porch- on the cement in only their shorts- with nothing soft to lay upon. Well- that got my mommy juices going and my heart melted like milk chocolate in a car on a summer day. I carried their little hienies in to the couch and covered them up. Brenden was so mature and helpful and offered to take care of the garage clean up. I am now sitting down taking a break. There is still so much to clean. We may be able to salvage the carpet after all… but I have not even touched the basement yet.
So then I read this story below… and that was it. The water works hit my eyes! Whew. What a day! Wine anyone?
I proceeded to clean up while the children were at summer enrichment activities. When they came home they were so good as to stay outside and play… until….(wait- don't forget to breath- cause I can tell you are holding your breath now!)...Brenden came running upstairs to tell me that the twins had taken the water hose they had been told they could use for their slip n slide and were having a water fight… INSIDE THE GARAGE!!!! Now I must say I have been so good at not raising my voice at the kids in anger for some time now. I BLEW A GASKET. I was furious and tired and overwhelmed and did not care that the hollow garage was taking my voice and making it as though I were yelling into a microphone- so the whole street heard- Actually I think it was the whole neighborhood-possibly even the north end of town! I set their wet little rear ends on the porch and told them not to move til I told them to. I eventually calmed down enough to get them.. only to find them asleep on the porch- on the cement in only their shorts- with nothing soft to lay upon. Well- that got my mommy juices going and my heart melted like milk chocolate in a car on a summer day. I carried their little hienies in to the couch and covered them up. Brenden was so mature and helpful and offered to take care of the garage clean up. I am now sitting down taking a break. There is still so much to clean. We may be able to salvage the carpet after all… but I have not even touched the basement yet.
So then I read this story below… and that was it. The water works hit my eyes! Whew. What a day! Wine anyone?
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